Sunday, December 10, 2017

Eating disorders and more

I try my best to live a healthy lifestyle but life sometimes puts a bit more stress on me than it should and I break down every once in a while for a few months at a time. Whether it is because of recovery time from an injury or something else, I just get down on myself and I stop working out. I put on a few pounds here and there but it usually isn't that much. This year was different, even though I try to keep my head held up sometimes it loose sight of that healthy lifestyle and I binge eat junk food, this year, I binge ate for a few months! I just tried to eat my problems away. Which is never the answer but talking it out with my friends, and working hard to get some of the harder life things taken care of, I have been able to get the binge eating under control for now. It is something I have always struggled with, and I am sure I will continue to. If you would like to learn more about Binge Eating, click HERE
What is Binge Eating Disorder? Binge eating disorder is characterized by recurrent episodes of eating large quantities of food (often very quickly and to the point of discomfort); a feeling of a loss of control during the binge; experiencing shame, distress or guilt afterwards; and not regularly using unhealthy compensatory measures (e.g., purging) to counter the binge eating. It is the most common eating disorder in the United States.
If you are effected by Binge Eating there are many sources of help out there. HERE is one, an online counseling group. You may also reach out to me if you want to speak with someone who also struggles with this eating disorder. 
Bulimia Nervosa, thankfully I am currently not suffering from this but did for several years. Bulimia nervosa is a serious, eating disorder characterized by a cycle of bingeing and compensatory behaviors such as self-induced vomiting or abusing laxatives designed to undo or compensate for the effects of binge eating. If you would like to learn more about Bulimia, please click HERE. If you would like help, click HERE for online support groups of eating disorders. Again, if you would like someone to speak to, you are more than welcome to reach out to me. But I can only speak to my personal experience and I am Not a certified trained specialist. I highly recommend using one of the sites I provided or speaking with your physician. 
I wanted to share this with you as I am re-entering my weightloss and fitness journey. Binge Eating and Bulimia are always on my mind and I worry about them all of the time when I am losing weight. I love working out, eating well and having fun but it can be easy for me to slip back into a unhealthy lifestyle. I can easily spend 3+ hours a day working out and counting every single calorie that I eat, down to a ketchup or salt packet. Or "slip up" and feel as if I need to go to extremes of using laxatives or other methods of getting rid of the unwanted calories. 
I have found that I have been doing these things less and less often over the years, I know it's because I have wonderful support from my friends but I feel I also get stronger and stronger each year that passes. That doesn't mean it isn't a struggle but it does help so much. 
10-15% of Americans suffer from a severe eating disorder. I encourage you to speak up, you aren't alone! 
My heart is with you. 
Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes.

Friday, December 8, 2017

2017 has been an interesting year

So, here I am once again in Missouri. The place I never thought I would live again. Have to give life that, it is so unexpected and you just can't control it.

I have had a very rocky 2017. So much has happened this year in a negative way that it is almost unbelievable. I left Amazon because they wanted me to work more, I was already pulling 60-70 hour weeks (in office, not including work I did from home). Then I moved on to Intentional Futures and the job was ok but it wasn't challenging enough for me and it was just not quite the right fit, so I left them.

I have been unemployed now for three months. I have applied to hundreds of jobs and so far, nothing. It isn't from the lack of interviews. I have interviewed at least two dozen companies, mostly phone screens, but I am still in the rut. Hopefully the right role will come along soon.

As far as my running goes, I have talked about my IT band injury from July. I received a steroid shot in my knee which I had several reactions to, unfortunately. It made my recovery time easily 6x longer than it would have been without it. After a couple of months of PT and simply not over using my knee, it is starting to feel like normal again. Thankfully!

The day I signed the new lease on the house my sister and I are now living in, mid November, I tripped off a step that I didn't know was there and severally sprained my ankle. It still isn't completely recovered 3 weeks later. It is fine to walk and run but with no sharp turns or technical track. But it is slowly getting there.

Black Friday, I was setting up a Christmas tree in our living room and I slipped and fell, my knee hit the corner of my sister's piano, (the same IT band knee) and was severally bruised and bloodied. Yesterday was the first day of exercise that it didn't bother me during the run, just a little bit after. . .

I have spent over a year basically injured with a couple of good months in the middle lol. Don't forget my horrible ankle sprain last August that left me in a boot! Once that was healed I got a couple of good weeks in and then was in a car accident that messed up my back! Hahaha I should live in a bubble.

Despite all of this, I still wake up each day hoping that it will be better than the day before.

There has been a lot of good this year as well. Like making several new and wonderful friends, getting to run more trails than I ever have (in between injuries 😄), I got to go on an awesome road trip around the PNW with Laddie, and I get to spend time with my family because of the move. Just a name a few of the good things.

The thing I am most grateful for are my friends and family. My of my friends have become family. The photos below are just a few of the friendships that have blossomed and grown this year. If I were name and go through them all, this post would be a small novel! Know that I love all of my friends and am blessed to have you all in my life.
This photo was at Sun Mountain 100k and 50k. It was the first race I had ever DNFed but because I was there with these wonderful people (and many more not pictured) I still had a wonderful time.
Tiffany and I out hiking, in search of some fall colors. The snow was falling on us from the trees. We were pretty damp by the end of this hike in the snow. But this is exactly our friendship. "Want to hike in the Enchantments in 1 day?" "What to go snowshoeing at Rainier?" "Want to meet up in Winthrop for a trail run?" Yes to all and so much more!
Mary, my trail sister! I met her briefly in 2016 at a trail half marathon but didn't connect until earlier this year. We had many wonderful unforgettable trail adventures this year. I didn't get to spend time with her before I left Seattle because she was off getting married! Congratulations again Mary. I love you!
Andrew, we met a couple of years ago through a mutual friend. We've had many city adventures together, from trying lots of new restaurants, to weird mini golf, feeding seagulls French fries, lots and lots of walks around the city and countless adventures. To my friend who I can say that I am really thinking/feeling and who will still love me afterward!
Stephanie! Adventure buddy for sure! We did brunch once with Tiffany and Andrew (like the perfect day!) but other than that, this is what our typical friend hangout sessions look like! So much fun all of the time. So much laughter and giggles, look forward to more adventures in the future!
These are my friends Emily and Sean. I chose this picture because it was the first weekend that we had ever really hung out! That and the story that goes with it. Emily and Sean were maybe 100 yards ahead of me on the trail. Just enough that I couldn't see them becuase of the trees but close enough for me to hear everything they were doing for this photo with Glenn. It was so much fun to hear them laughing and joking around. It was great, I was so excited to finally get my photo taken by Glenn! I was trekking along and right in front of him I face planted... All I see is his head popping over the side of the cliff, "Are you alright!?" I was fine, got up to where he was taking the photos and he totally let me pose for my photo. Such a wonderful guy. 
Anyway, this is where Emily and I became fast friends. I am sad that I didn't get to spend more time with her before I left Seattle but that just means we will have to have more adventures when I move back to the PNW. :) Congrats on the Calendar photo guys! 
Oh yeah, that's Carol. Enough said. 

Just kidding, Carol is the most spunky person I think I have ever met. She won't admit it but she has such a big heart. We had some pretty great times this year, from adventuring out to Pridefest, to watching Mary finish her first 50 mile ultra! Oh and I may have forced her to run White River 50... oops! 💙💚💙
Kaurine, my sister. She and I have been blessed this year with many adventures of our own. I have absolutely loved our time together this year. From traveling around the PNW, to moving in together! So many more adventures to come. Love you Kaurine!

This year has been a rollercoaster of emotions that is for sure. It is easy to let all of the negative things overshadow all of the fantastic things. Even with the bad stuff, I have had one of the most wonderful years yet. Thank you to all who have helped make my life a beautiful adventure.

Saturday, October 21, 2017

Do not go gentle into that good night, a poem by Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night
Dylan Thomas, 1914 - 1953
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

A poem about death, how I have been feeling about not giving up on my life lately. Do not go gentle into that good night, do not go down without a fight.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Time to get real

At this point in time, other than injury (knock on wood) the only thing that will keep me from finishing Mountain Lakes 100 is not having the correct gear. So I thought I would share why I am concerned and that all I am still needing. I am sure this list won't be complete either. 
(UPDATED as of 8/8/17 6:22 PM PDT)
  1. Ultimate Direction Adventure Vesta 9L Hydration Vest - Women's Obsidian, M/L
  2. Black Diamond Distance Z Z-Poles, Carbon, 110cm - Borrowing!
  3.  SaltStick Caps, Electrolyte Replacement Capsules, 100 count bottle - Gifted!!!
  4. Tailwind Nutrition - 7 Stickpack Set by Tailwind Nutrition
  5. Huma Chia Energy Gel, Variety Pack, 24 Gels - Premier Sports Nutrition for Endurance Exercise
  6. Shock Absorber Women's Active D+ Classc Support Sports Bra, White, 34E UK - Gifted!!!
  7. Altra Trail Gaiter Protective Shoe Covers, Orchid, S Regular US - Borrowing! 
  8. Petzl - NAO 575 Lumens - Borrowing!
  9. A running puffy jacket 
  10. Second pair of Altra shoes - Gifted!!!
Amazon List for a better idea. I am going to try and borrow some of these things but clearly some, like that bra, I can't borrow. 
I will be the first to admit that I had no idea what I was getting myself into financially when I decided to go for a 100 miler. I definitely bit off way more than I can chew. If you have anything on this list (or know of things that I am missing) that you are willing to let me borrow for a few weeks, that's be super awesome and I would be eternally grateful. 
Thank you! 

Pouting time is over

My last post was pretty negative but I felt like I needed to get out those feels. I feel like I have kind of fallen into this trap of "Katie is always happy even if she fails at her running goals", in general, I would say yes. That I am pretty happy, just looking at those fails as something that will make me stronger. This last 50 mile attempt was something I really had my heart set on, felt more ready for than any race to date. So when I wasn't able to complete it, yet another incomplete race in a whole year of hiccups, it hit really hard. I just needed to be angry for a day or two and for some reason I felt like I needed to share that. Which, in some ways I am glad that I did.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

It's ok to be pissed off sometimes

I am going to come out and say it. I am pissed off! I have been on the struggle train for over a year now. Sense I hurt my ankle last August. I am sick and tired of constantly failing!

Sprained ankle made me miss Ragnar Cascades (2016)
Car accident made me miss pacing the Seattle Marathon and Deception Pass 50k (2016)
Working way too much at Amazon made me miss Gorge Waterfall 50k (2017)
4 day stomach flu made me DNF at Sun Mountain 50k (2017)
3 day Migraine made me drop from pacing the Seattle Rock N Roll Marathon (2017)
Now this, smoky conditions made me unable to breathe and had to DNF at White River 50. (2017)

Every time something bad has happened or something has gone wrong I just keep saying "it's good training" for my 100 miler. But, you know what? I am mad and tired at failing at something I really love.

Between not having enough $$ to buy the gear that I need for my 100 miler (I need lots of stuff, from a new pack and trekking poles to new shoes and night running gear). I am not sure if it's a good idea to move forward with the race. It breaks my heart but I don't have that kind of money laying around to spend on a race. I didn't realize almost a year ago when I decided to do this how much ultra running actually costs.

I LOVE trail running but the maybe the stress of racing isn't for me.

The things that I love about trail running I don't get to enjoy in races because I am too slow of a runner. I don't get to stop and take photos, enjoy trail food because I have to shove it down while moving forward, I don't get to chat with people when I want to because I don't have time to. I am a pretty great trail runner, in my opinion, when I am not being judged for being slow and can run and run and run when there are no time limits.

I have been taking all of my fails in stride until this weekend. I was so well trained, so ready to go for my first mountain 50 miler. I ran 27.5 miles before stopping and I am not even the tiniest bit sore. Which is great but that's what is making me so mad. I was so ready for this one but I have never run in smoke before. I was running the last 11 miles of those 27.5 miles with knots in my chest and it felt like someone was strangling my right lung. My trachea is the only thing sore today from working to hard to put oxygen in my body. I want to go out and run again today for another 20 miles, that's how good I feel but can't because the smoke is still hanging around.

I love you trail running but why don't you love me back??
This is a photo of the smoke when it wasn't as heavy...